The Struggle Continues

 I stopped. I took a vacation, a hiatus….I fell off the wagon, I’ve been slackin’, lazin’ and excuse makin’.  I haven’t completely stopped my weight loss efforts,  but I have not been doing the things that had helped me stay on track. I skipped my weigh-in the last few last weeks. I have exercised only sporadically. And WW Online has not seen a log-in from me in weeks, until today. And the question is….WHY? Why do I set a goal to lose 60 pounds, a goal that I profess to be very serious about, only to let the slightest whim, the smallest discomfort, knock me off the good path I am on?

Over the past several weeks, I have been pondering this, trying to understand why I can’t or won’t stick to my diet. I listened to an interesting Podcast series called “Inside Out Weight Loss” to try and better understand the deep reasons behind my inability to follow a diet for more than a few months. If you’re interested in learning more about this topic, check out www.personallifemedia.com/podcasts/.

I have taken to listening to Inside Out Weight Loss while walking. I was listening to Jane Austin novels, but  I have found that Elizabeth Klett’s free Librivox recordings  slowed down my pace and I came home from my walks uncontrollably speaking in a British accent for several hours. There are over 200 of the Inside Out Weight Loss podcasts, and I sort of jumped in in the midle, randomly choosing as I search for help. I came across one that really interested me. Renee Stephens, the Inside Out Weight Loss host, was saying that to understand why you eat unhealthy food or don’t exercise, look at your excuses and perhaps you will find your fears. Interesting! I know there are issues with me that are keeping me from having weight loss success, but they aren’t clear. I look at it is a failure, a lack of willpower, a weakness in me that I almost don’t believe I can overcome. I want to understand it more fully. I want to MOVE ON!

So when I think about my excuses for not sticking to my diet plan, her are some of my favorites, in no particular order.

1. I’m STARVING!

2. It won’t hurt to eat this, just today…Tomorrow I will get back on my plan.

3. I am a failure! I can’t do this! I will NEVER lose it, so why not just eat the stuff I want?

4. I need to eat this Valentine’s Day candy to get it out of the house!

5. I am PMSing and need this casserole to comfort myself.

6. I am depressed/anxious/tired/unfocused….

7. I forgot to log my food and I can’t remember what I had today. Hey, might as well blow off the whole thing today and eat whatever I want.

8. I can’t put all this junk that I’ve been eating into my Weight Watchers online food tracker. I’ve gone way over for the day, so I’m just going to bag it.

Ok, I will stop there. There’s way more. So what is this all about? I’m going to try and figure it out. In the meantime, I will give it all I’ve got. Please keep me in your prayers. I need all the help I can get. Thanks!

The Moment of Truth

Here goes!

Starting Weight (Dec. 4, 2011)-185.6

Last Week (January 24, 2012)-179.2

Today (January 30, 2012)-176.8

This week’s loss (-2.4)

Total weight loss (-8.8)

Next week, my goal is to hit the 10 pound mark. When I get there, I will only have 50 more to go!!!! And, there will be a celebratory giveaway! So wish me luck and pray for strength. And I wish you, whatever you are working toward, the best!

The Strengthening Power of Self-Discipline

I don’t have a lot of self-discipline when it comes to food. After a long day working and taking care of my family, perhaps coming home late and not having planned dinner, my mind turns to pizza, Mexican food (specifically cheese dip and salty tortilla chips),  juicy burgers, cokes, chocolate, stuff like that. Every fiber of my being is starving, and I want a quick fix of delicious fatty, cheesy goodness. When these cravings come over me, I feel like a drug addict. But my “drug” is legal, cheap and everywhere. It’s DANGEROUS!

For the past few days I have had those kinds of cravings, those dark desires that, when regularly fulfilled, have led to my current state of obesity. For the past few days, the cravings have been extremely intense. But, I am resisting these powerful urges. Last night on my way home I stopped at my neighborhood Walgreens for a quart of milk. As I headed to the checkout counter, the candy called my name ever  so sweetly and seductively. I eyed it, touched it longingly, picked up a pack of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, put it down, picked up a pack of M & M’s put it down, made my milk purchase and hightailed it to the house with a mix of pride at my uncharacteristic self-restraint and a strong sense of unfulfilled longing.

After a spartan dinner of steamed green beans, rice and turkey sausage (not a great meal, but hey…), I was DYING for sweet stuff. I stayed busy and made a smart move. I put on the tea pot and fixed myself a nice steaming cup of green tea. It really helped-warmed me up, tasted great to me and somehow nipped the sweet craving right in the bud. 

Today I feel stronger. I can see the healthy,  georgeous 125 pound me in the future. Where once there was despair, the is now HOPE!

The Moment of Truth

The truth is, I did not lose a lot of weight last week. The truth is I lost none. Last week I weighed in at 179.2 and this week was the same-179.2.

Actually I am glad about it. I had a few days of not logging in to WW, not tracking. I ate some stuff that is like crack for me, stuff this fat girl needs to stay away from!  I made a blueberry cobbler and topped it with ff frozen yogurt. I ate a burger and fries. I ate Rotel. I didn’t exercise much. I was sliding back into my old habits last week, so I am very relieved that I didn’t actually gain weight.

Moving forward, this week is off to a great start. I am logging, blogging and motivated. And that is the key. I must constantly remind myself of why I am doing this. This is for my health, so I can have the chance to perhaps live a long and healthy life. It is for my body, so it can hold up to do what I want it and need it to. It is for my family, so I can have the energy to care for them and enjoy life with them. It is for my kids-it will be a powerful message to them when I make it to my goal. It is for me. It is so I can actually accomplish this. It is so I can look good and feel good. It is so I can enjoy dressing my fabulous body once again. It will save me money on doctors, medicines and insurance premiums. So say a prayer for me, send good wishes my way. Next week, I predict 177!

The Moment of Truth

Monday is here and I just weighed in. Here goes:

Starting weight       12/4/11     185.6

Last week’s weight  1/9/12      181

Today’s weight         1/16/12   179.2

This week:                   -1.8

Total weight lost:    -6.4

Wow! I am excited! Though it is slow, my efforts are making a difference. I can’t wait until I have lost 10! When I get there, I’m  going to celebrate with an awesome give-away for a lucky reader. Keep reading….

Two Steps Back

Yesterday was a complete bust as far as dieting goes. I didn’t exercise. I ate 49 WW points, and my daily allowance is 26. Why? That is the million dollar question…I was hungry. I was tired. I was emotionally drained. I thought all those mashed potatoes and then those chocolate chips would make me feel better. And they did. But it goes deeper than that. It is about toughness, grit, determination, dealing with tough things in life. I can do all of it, but food is my helper. Food is not meant to be abused in this way! Food is to enjoy, yes, but more importantly to provide us with the needed energy and fuel to do our day in a healthy way. Next time I have a rough day, I am going to handle it differently. A glass of wine, a cup of tea, a walk around the block, sharing my struggles….I got this!

The Moment of Truth

Today is weigh-in day, so here’s how things went this morning:

Starting Weight 12/4 /11   185.6

Last Week           1/2/12      182.6

Today                 1/9/12        181

I lost 1.4 for the week, and a total of 4.6. Overall, I am good with this pace. I am not starving myself, just slowly but surely changing my eating habits. I went over my daily WW points allowance by about 7 points for 3 of the past 7 days and still lost. I walked/jogged steadily. Next week, my goal is to be out of the 180’s!

My New Motto-Be Prepared!

Think ahead.  Have a plan. Know in advance how you will handle situations as they come up. Be organized…These things don’t come easily to me by any stretch.  I am pretty much a seat-of-my-pantser. I like organization and plans, but I am not too good at making them or following through on them. I often let my emotions rule the day, and that is one of the reasons I am OBESE! Lacking the skills to be prepared has been very costly to me as I journey through this life.  I have spent many days lamenting my disorganization, reading books on ways to improve it, marveling at my organized friends’ abilities and trying to learn from them.  I admit I am getting better, but only out of  sheer necessity, not natural inclination. The past month of Weight Watchers has shown me very clearly how important it is for me to BE PREPARED with a plan for meals and snacks throughout each day and week.  The small bit of time spent is well worth it.

Looking back at the past few weeks of tracking my “points”, on days when I plan out my meals I eat much healthier food and less of it. I do especially well when I begin the day with a filling breakfast.I have a favorite-turkey bacon, egg whites and a whole wheat english muffin sandwich. Life gets in the way sometimes and plans get changed. Or, for me, times get tough and I still find myself using food to get through. But if I can plan most days and continue to develop some new ways of coping with my angst I think I am gonna make it I am in this for the long haul. I want it!

The Moment of Truth

Today is Monday-the day each week when I weigh in. Here goes:

Starting Weight 12/4/11              185.6

Last Week’s Weight 12/26/11    183.4

Today’s Weight          1/2/12        182.6

This Week’s loss                                .8 lbs.

Total Loss:                                           3 lbs.

 

Well folks, I am THRILLED to have made it through the holiday season down 3 pounds! Hooray ME! Next week, scale, look out. My goal is to shed 2 next week.

 

Food Poisoning Perhaps?

Subway has this special right now-the Cold CutCombo Sub and the Meatball Sub are both only 2 bucks for a small. Usually when I go to Subway, which is pretty frequently, I get one of their “healthy” subs, either the turkey or the Subway Club. But on Thursday, I had jogged/walked over five miles, had plenty of WW points to burn, and was feeling rather frugal after all the Christmas spending I had been doing. So I went for the  2 dollar Cold Cut.

After a long evening with my dad at the ER (he had fallen  and hit his head-age 86), I went home and was extremely thirsty. I downed about 4 large glasses of water and went to bed, only to be awakened at 3am by severe nausea. I spent the entire day yesterday in bed. My husband came home throughout the day to check on me. My kids played happily together all day, checking on me occasionally, bringing me a basket with Curtis the Teddy Bear, crackers, soda, get-well cards and a banner. I finally got up around 7pm. My husband made me a bowl of chicken noodle soup and a tall glass of  ginger ale. I ate a little, drank a lot and this morning I feel much better, though still a little weak and tired.

Since no one else in my family has gotten sick and since I was the only one to eat the Subway, I think I got food poisoned from the Cold Cut Sub!  Though awful, it was probably a blessing in dusguise. I had begun eating out a little too frequently. This bout of listeria or whatever has been a reminder to me to EAT AT HOME! It is cheaper,  healthier and safer…

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